


bitchcraft

by LittleSpoonSebastian



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Cuddles, Cute, Dorms, Gay, Gen, M/M, Minho is just... Minho, Tourette's Syndrome, Witches, broke college students, contraband guinea pigs, he owns the contraband guinea pigs, ill explain later, jinki is weird, jinki makes soap as a hobby, jonghyun plays kazoo, kinda crackfic, kitchen witch!kibum, music witch!jonghyun, random mention of sehun, taemin is a meme, theyre just trying to pass pls, tourette's!jonghyun, well not really its just really casual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSpoonSebastian/pseuds/LittleSpoonSebastian
Summary: "We should put up an ad then."Kibum scoffs,"I don't think that'll work, honey. Who would want to live with two witches?"He shrugs, leaning over and taking something from Kibum's bowl,"If we lie about it they will.""What do you mean?""Okay, maybe lie was the wrong choice of word. I meant leaving out the bad parts of living with us."or:Jonghyun and Kibum need roommates to share the rent with. Trouble is, not many people are willing to live with witches.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Kudos: 16





	1. One

"We need roommates."

Jonghyun looks up from his breakfast. Kibum's eyes are trained on his own food as he slurps some broth with his spoon. It has been silent for the past few minutes as they ate. Jonghyun looks back down, asking,  
"Why? To split the rent?"

"Yeah. We've gotta make the rent cheaper somehow."

It's silent for a few more seconds. Jonghyun picks up some noodles and they slide off his chopsticks. He sighs and picks up more,  
"We should put up an ad then." Kibum scoffs,  
"I don't think that'll work, honey. Who would want to live with two witches?" He shrugs, leaning over and taking something from Kibum's bowl,  
"If we lie about it they will."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, maybe lie was the wrong choice of word. I meant leaving out the bad parts of living with us."

Kibum smirks,  
"Right, and by bad parts I hope you mean making a racket in the middle of the night." Jonghyun ducks his head quickly and makes an eek! sound, then looks back up,  
"That's not fair, Bummie! I have to do it, and besides I don't do it every night." Kibum laughs and points his chopsticks at him,  
"That's only because you forget to do it!"

~ 

And then the topic is dropped in favour of this anime that Jonghyun has been getting into, and it isn't mentioned until the next morning, where Jonghyun wakes up to an empty bed and trudges into the living room to see Kibum sitting at the coffee table, typing furiously on his laptop. He sits cross-legged behind the younger and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder and basking in his warmth. Kibum doesn't react to him much, only with a quick turn and kiss on his cheek, and then he's back to typing a lengthy paragraph.

When Jonghyun actually looks at what he's writing, he realises that what his boyfriend is so busy with is the advertisement they were talking about yesterday. He reads through the paragraph he's got so far and breathes out a soft laugh,  
"Preferably not witches? Why's that?" Kibum leans his head back and stares directly at Jonghyun's ear, replying simply,  
"Too much stuff. Humans don't need magical apparatus and weird ornaments and ridiculous collections."

"Some of them do. I'm pretty sure some guy in my music class is obsessed with making soap."

Kibum laughs. It's one of those high pitched cackles that makes Jonghyun fall in love just a little bit more. He asks,  
"How do you know? Did he tell you or does he just smell really nice?" Jonghyun giggles and hooks his bare legs around Kibum's waist too,  
"Remember last Christmas? When the whole art and design sector did secret santa. That bag of soap I got was from him."

"No way. Those cinnamon ones?"

"Yeah! The only reason I knew it was him is because I walked past him like, a day later and he smelled exactly like them."

"You've gotta ask him to make more. You smelled so good when you used them."

~ 

Kibum spends a whole half an hour creating the perfect poster, whilst Jonghyun roams around and tries to get ready to go out instead of get back in bed. Then when he's finished Kibum uploads it to his pen-drive and gives it to Jonghyun, who's on his way out to a lecture in creative writing that he is not mentally ready for.

Kibum places it into the pocket of his boyfriend's precious leather jacket (seriously, if the jacket and Kibum were trapped in a fire, he's 100% sure Jjong would let him burn to death) and embraces him, muttering into the collar,  
"Don't get too many. Ten copies will do. And don't you dare lose that pen-drive Kim Jonghyun." Jonghyun smiles and unlocks the door with his free hand. Literally. With a spell. He's gotten better at it. He slips away after a final peck on Kibum's lips.

And so after Jonghyun's lecture, he goes to the office and uploads the file. He prints off ten copies and grabs a box of thumbtacks, then walks around the college and puts them on every notice board he can find. He then goes to the cafe that's just outside campus and picks up some toasted sandwiches for lunch. The cafe is the only place that Kibum can trust outside of his own cooking, since he found out that another kitchen witch works there.

When he gets back to the apartment, Kibum is sat on the sofa with a notebook in his lap, looking as if he is reviewing notes but is actually just zoned out. The unlocking of the door grabs his attention for a moment, and then it's back to his notes. Jonghyun closes the door and puts the paper bag on the coffee table, sitting beside Kibum and looking over his shoulder at his notes.

"I shoulda taken film studies. Creative writing is so boring."

Kibum scoffs,  
"If you think film studies isn't boring you've gotta meet my tutor, honey," he turns the page,  
"I always wonder if he got into his job by accident, 'cause he never looks like he wants to be there." He closes the notebook and puts it on the table, then sits back up and stretches,  
"I'll just finish it later. What did you get for lunch, anyways?"

Jonghyun leans forward and opens the bag, taking the two sandwiches out. Whilst they eat they discuss how they would have to arrange their things to make space for new roommates, since currently the spare rooms are being used for storage. They agree to do a whole sweep of the apartment tonight and throw away anything they don't need.

Then Kibum's phone pings, and he pulls it out to see that someone has emailed them about the apartment.  
"Oh, that was quick."

~

To: kkibum@seoulcomcollege.edu  
From: ltaemin@seoulcomcollege.edu  
Reply/ apartment spaces available

Hi, this is Lee Taemin. I'm looking to move out of my current room, A.12, and was wondering if I could take a look at your apartment, provided there are still spaces available. I am able to meet you all day tomorrow. Please get back to me with a meeting time.  
Thanks :)

~

Taemin wakes up the same way every day.

Not to his alarm, no, but to his roommate's three guinea pigs squeaking and rustling around in their cage. By definition they shouldn't even be there, there was a firm pet ban in the college dorms. But his roommate promised they wouldn't be a nuisance, so they all collectively agreed to let him keep them in the living room.

However, Taemin's room has no windows, so for ventilation he has to keep his door open slightly. And of course that means he can hear these contraband pets loud and clear, usually at the stupidly early hours of the morning.

He groans and gets out of bed. Instead of closing his door he steps into the living room and stares at the guinea pigs with remorse in his eyes. Rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he mumbles,  
"What? Do you want food or something?" The guinea pigs just continue to squeak and run around in circles. Taemin sighs and trudges to the kitchen, taking a stick of celery from the fridge.

He gets back and opens the cage door carefully, breaking the stick into thirds and throwing them inside. He shuts the door before they can mistake his fingers for celery and bite him again (yes, again). He goes back to his room and sits in bed for a few minutes, debating whether he should sleep in and miss his journalism lecture. Then he remembers that today's lecture is for the start of a new topic, and he realises he probably shouldn't miss it.

He gets out of bed again and miserably pours himself some cereal. While he's eating his roommates slowly begin to migrate to the living room too. By the time he's done everyone is gathered around, trying to stay awake. Sehun walks over to the cage and asks,  
"Oh. Who fed them celery?" Taemin replies,  
"I did. They woke me up so I threw some in."

The guinea pigs take that as their cue to start squeaking again, a painful reminder that Taemin is losing sleep because of some literal guinea pigs. Taemin leaves pretty quickly after that. On his way out of the building he spots an oddly coloured flyer on the notice board that wasn't there last night. He approaches it and reads:

ROOMMATES NEEDED  
Three spaces available @ A.25  
Anyone welcome!!  
[Preferably not witches since we're already witches]  
One twin room + one single room  
Contact:  
kkibum@seoulcomcollege.edu  
For more details

Taemin furrows his eyebrows when he sees the small print. He's never lived with a witch before, let alone two. But hell, it's gotta be better than waking up at 5am to the sound of a small furry apocalypse every morning. So he pulls out his phone and types a quick email to this Kibum guy, who is apparently a witch. (Did Taemin mention that this guy is a witch.)

He goes to his lecture and tries not to think about his possible escape from the contraband guinea pigs. When he sits down in the lecture hall, at the back of course, he opens his laptop and loads up his school email, but is surprised to find that he has already received a reply from Kibum:

To: ltaemin@seoulcomcollege.edu  
From: kkibum@seoulcomcollege.edu  
Reply/ apartment spaces available

Hi, Kibum here. Thanks for considering our apartment! We can meet at the café outside of campus at around 1pm if that's still alright for you. We look forward to meeting you!  
Thanks, K


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MY DRAFT DELETED ITSELF FFS. Anyway here's chapter 2 I can't be bothered trying to remember what I wrote in this note before it deleted.  
> (You did well, Jonghyun)

"Damn, I haven't seen you wear that in months," Kibum says, watching Jonghyun twirling around their room in his long black coat, complete with leggings and a worn black vest with a punk band printed on the front. The only flaw in the outfit is that Jonghyun keeps standing on the hem of the jacket, since he hasn't put his platform boots on yet and the jacket is long.

"It's a special occasion. Gotta make a good first impression," Jonghyun replies, popping up his collar in the mirror, then changing his mind and putting it back down, smoothing it out with his palms before leaving to find his shoes. Kibum looks at the oversized muted orange sweater and black jeans he has laid out on the bed. He's used to being out-dressed by Jjong, but maybe he should upgrade his own outfit a little. He fumbles in the wardrobe for a moment, and then pulls out a similar looking sweater, this time in powder pink, with a few large red patches sewn onto the front.

He quickly removes his fuzzy bath gown and puts on the loose black jeans before he can change his mind again. Then he puts on a plain, low cut t-shirt and the sweater over it. He drags a brush through his brown curls before stepping into the living room and putting on the closest pair of converse he can find. He looks at the space where his favourite pink converse should be, and mutters,  
"Can't believe you made me throw my pink ones away."

Jonghyun hums in confusion, then removes his head from the pile of shoe boxes in the doorway of an unoccupied room and sees Kibum looking at his shoe rack,  
"They were literally falling apart, Bummie. I don't want you to hurt yourself." Kibum sits on the floor with his shoes untied, pouting at Jonghyun,  
"But they were my favourites…"

~

It's pretty cold outside considering it's not even October yet. Luckily Jonghyun and Kibum dress for winter weather all year round since they both have an impeccable fashion sense, which means cool coats and leggings for Jonghyun, and oversized everything for Kibum.

They step into the crisp air just outside of their apartment and Kibum does a sort of lip movement to make a 'brr' sound, since he's always expressive about his feelings. It's not really a good match for Jonghyun, who sees his mannerisms and raises him a fully fledged, uncontrollable tic version. In simple terms, Jonghyun stands in the cold, staring at the floor, and makes a 'brr' sound for a few seconds without even realising.

Kibum giggles and takes Jonghyun's hand. Then Kibum's phone buzzes and he has to let go again to check it. His face falls as he reads, and Jonghyun looks over his shoulder,  
"What's wrong?" Kibum tilts the phone to show him:

-  
To: kkibum@seoulcomcollege.edu  
From: ltaemin@seoulcomcollege.edu  
Topic: meeting point

Hi, it's Taemin again. The café just closed because their kitchen is flooded. I know this is last minute, but can we change our meeting point?  
Thanks :)  
-

Jonghyun swears under his breath, and mutters,  
"We might as well just take him to our apartment. He needs to look around anyways." Kibum nods and types a reply, asking him to meet them at A.25 in ten minutes. Then the couple trudge back to their apartment, take their shoes off, and frantically clean the mess they made earlier in the morning.

Somehow Jonghyun is more nervous than perfectionist Kibum about meeting this Taemin guy. He stands by the door and then walks back to Kibum, and then looks at the door and walks back. Then his head jerks to the side as he scrunches his fists a few times. Then he walks back and looks at the door causing Kibum to finally snap,  
"You've gotta chill out, honey. It's just some random guy, it's not like we're about to meet G-Dragon."

"But he's gonna live with us… should I unlock the door with the spell? Will it freak him out?" Jonghyun asks, wringing his hands.

Kibum rolls his eyes. Then there's a knock on the door and Jonghyun visibly jumps at the sound, then steps over and unlocks the door manually. The first thing he notices is that the boy on the other side, presumably Taemin, is a little taller than Jonghyun himself, and paler too. Then once he throws his head forward and passes it off as a bow, he takes note of the boy's bright eyes and chubby cheeks, and his purple!! hair!!

"You must be… Jonghyun, right?" Taemin asks. He nods with a soft smile. Taemin smiles back awkwardly. Jonghyun realises he's blocking the door and steps back,  
"Uh, why don't you come in?" Only now does Jonghyun take note of how similar Taemin's fashion sense is to his own, as he swishes into the room in his black skinny jeans and sheer black cardigan that reaches his knees.

"Wow, did I step into an edgelord meeting by accident?" Kibum notes as he shakes hands casually with Taemin, who blushes and laughs softly. Kibum faces Taemin properly and asks,  
"Anyway, have you eaten yet? You must be hungry, do you want me to make you something?" Taemin stumbles over his words for a moment,  
"Uh, I can- um, I don't wanna intrude-"

Jonghyun clicks a few times and Taemin assumes it's to get his attention in a slightly weird way, and he says,  
"Just say yeah, man. It's more of an offense to him if you decline his cooking." Taemin stands in silence for a few seconds. Then he turns back to Kibum and nods,  
"I-I'd like that. Thank you."

"You don't have any food allergies do you?"

"Uh… I don't think so?"

Jonghyun sits down on the sofa and Taemin follows suit as Kibum walks to the kitchen with an air of determination.

"But why is it more…" Taemin begins, and then gives up and looks at his hands. Jonghyun catches on though,  
"Why is it more offensive to decline?" Taemin nods. The elder explains,  
"He's a kitchen witch. They dedicate their magic to cooking basically. Like, Bummie can't live without homemade food." Taemin stares at him. Jonghyun raises his eyebrows in return.

"Oh… did you- did you not know we're witches?"

Taemin's eyes widen,  
"Nonono it's not that! It's just… I didn't know that kind of witch was a thing."

"Oh."

Taemin breaks eye contact again, looking around the apartment. He notices that there is no kitchen table, and that in it's supposed place there is a corner full of musical equipment and instruments on stands and shelves. From where he's sitting he can see a sleek, black violin on a stand, a keyboard (with what Taemin assumes was a collapsible stand) laying flat next to it and a purple bass guitar on the wall. He absent mindedly asks under his breath,  
"Are they all yours?"

"Yup."

"Do they… can you play them all?"

"Yeah. Well, my harmonica skills are debatable, but other than that…"

"Is it to do with your witch stuff? Are you a kitchen witch too?"

Jonghyun shakes his head,  
"God, no. Kibum actually bans me from the kitchen sometimes." He gets up and walks over to the bathroom,  
"I'm a music witch. That's why I blew all my money on instruments." Then he disappears to the bathroom. Taemin sits and plays on his phone for a minute, feeling too shy and intrusive to play music or flick through the channels on their TV, which is playing the news on mute.

"Honey? Can you give me a hand?" Kibum calls from the kitchen. Taemin visibly panics for a second when he hears him, and then realises that he's probably just calling for Jonghyun. Then he remembers that Jonghyun isn't there because he's in the bathroom, and he panics again. He stands up and walks over to the doorway of the kitchen, looking inside at Kibum who is dicing vegetables at the speed of light.

"Um, he's in the bathroom," Taemin says. Kibum rolls his eyes with a silent scoff,  
"Probably for the best that he doesn't help." Then he looks up briefly, and asks,  
"I know it's a little rude since you're the guest but could you help me for a second?" Taemin is too polite to decline so he steps into the kitchen and stands in the corner, not entirely sure what he's supposed to be doing. Kibum senses the cluelessness and tells him,  
"Just stir the pot please. Clockwise only."

So Taemin does. He stirs what looks like some sort of curry clockwise and then stands and watches it simmer. Kibum finishes chopping the vegetables and tips them into the pot. Then he takes over from Taemin and says,  
"That's all I wanted, sorry. I had to focus on the vegetables." Taemin assures him it's fine. Kibum opens a large mason jar of seemingly just water with one hand, and opens a drawer, taking out a heavily bejewelled tablespoon. He adds two spoonfuls of the water to the curry and stirs it clockwise again.

Taemin wants to ask what the water was but decides against it. He walks to the doorway and almost into Jonghyun,  
"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Do you want me to set the table Bummie?" Jonghyun asks. Kibum hums loudly in agreement. Taemin follows Jonghyun back to the main room, intending to help out. Together the two of them place cushions around the coffee table and set three bowls down. Kibum arrives with the pot of curry and puts it in the middle of the table on top of a heatproof mat, saying,  
"Yeah, sorry we don't have a dining table. I promise the floor's not uncomfortable though."

They all sit down and start to eat. Taemin is surprised at how good the food is, and also how much he was craving something like this. Jonghyun seems to notice his expression, and laughs,  
"Good, isn't it?" Taemin nods. They make awkward small talk for a few minutes, but the conversation quickly turns to moving in. Taemin asks about the rent, and Kibum tells him the rate. It's more expensive than what he's paying currently, but it'll feel like a weight off his back when he escapes those guinea pigs. They also get mentioned in the discussion:

"Why do you wanna move out of your place anyway?" Kibum asks, pouring more curry into his bowl. Taemin looks down at his food and debates whether he should just tell them the truth or make up something that sounds a lot more plausible. He decides fuck it and says quietly,  
"Um… my roommate smuggled their pet guinea pigs into the dorm and, uh, I can't sleep because they keep squeaking."

Jonghyun clicks again and bows his head quickly,  
"Couldn't you just, like, close your door? Or are they really loud?" Taemin replies,  
"My room doesn't have any windows… okay actually it does, it has one but it doesn't open. I've gotta keep the door open or my room is like a thousand degrees." Kibum hums. He then adds,  
"I've never had guinea pigs before. How loud are they?"

Taemin sighs,  
"Very."

They finish their meal, and whilst Jonghyun washes the dishes, Kibum shows Taemin what would be his room given he decides to move in. Kibum opens the door and gestures inside,  
"I mean, this isn't any different to what you're used to. We haven't changed much in here." Taemin hums in understanding, looking inside and firstly checking that yes, there is a window that opens. Kibum gasps a little from the doorway, and points at Taemin,  
"You could stay over. Tonight, like, for a trial night."

"So I can see what it's like here… I think, I think I'd like that," Taemin wonders aloud,  
"I mean, if it's okay with you guys, I don't wanna-"

"Don't wanna intrude, yeah. Honey, I'm the one who offered, and Jonghyun's been ecstatic about having you over since this morning," Kibum replies. Taemin stares at him for a moment. Then he nods. He closes the window and joins Kibum just outside the room,  
"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll stay over tonight."

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the motherfuckin [BOOTS](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/cf/93/f5/cf93f5cc9a1798575ec7dfa8b55f0529.jpg) that Jjong wore (and then took off within like five minutes lmAO) also not to flex but I OWN those boots irl!!!


End file.
